The Flame Within by Liz Harris

"With her looks, she ought to be able to work somewhere other than in a mill or a factory, her mam used to say. With a face like hers, she could make something of herself".

"In the heat of their passion, he'd meant it when he'd said he wished they could always be together. And if things had been very different, that might have been what he would've chosen.

But things weren't different.

Not in the real world."

The Flame Within by Liz Harris is a well-woven story of love, lies and betrayal, set in England between the wars. This is the second book in the sweeping Linford family saga, which you can read as a standalone.

We first meet Alice Linford, standing in front of a large Victorian house in London, not far from the area where she used to live with her husband, from whom she is separated for over a year. Agreeing to become a live-in companion to an elderly lady, Alice is like a strategist - she has a long-term master plan to reclaim her former position and married life.

"When she'd last lived in London, she'd been respected as part of the Linford family, owners of the successful construction family, Linford & Sons, and she'd wanted for nothing".

Her story then goes back in time, to the childhood in poverty. Alice was ambitious from the very young age, knowing that she doesn't want to spend her life, following in her mother's footsteps. 

"When she grew up, she would do everything she could to avoid living in the same way her mother and other women of Waterfoot".

When he father loses an arm in a accident, Alice has to leave school, and become a factory worker at 12. She works hard, and dreams of leaving all this hardship behind. 

As soon as she is old enough, she begins her training as a nurse. It might be a hard job as well, but it is certainly not boring. In 1915 she is registered as a nurse by the Red Cross.

"She couldn't remember ever being so happy as she felt on the day her registration came through, the culmination of six years of hard work. And her parents were delighted for her, too, and so proud".

Working at one of the London hospitals, she meets charming Thomas Linford, who is recuperating after losing a leg and part of his hand in WWI. "All she saw was a fun-loving, cheerful, handsome man, who was determined not to let his injuries overwhelm him, and who seemed to enjoy talking to her as much as she enjoyed talking to him". Alice feels an immediate attraction, and that feeling is mutual.

When the time comes for Thomas to leave the hospital, he proposes to Alice. Despite the difference in their social status and background, the Linfords accept Alice immediately and look upon her with kindness. Her training as a nurse is a big bonus in their eyes. They believe she will provide the utmost care for her invalid husband. "They clearly appreciated everything she was doing for Thomas, but they weren't viewing her as a person in her own right".

And that's one of Alice's problems. From having a fulfilling job and being valued as a skilled nurse, she is reduced to being a carer for her disabled husband.

Thomas changes from a charming loving husband to a grumpy, miserable grouch who finds fault with everything and everyone, including Alice. 

"But now that he was home, confronted by things he could no longer do for himself, and frequently in a significant degree of pain, everything was very different... he was becoming moodier with each passing day, and more and more hostile and resentful towards his family".

She is patient with him, but her love wavers. 

"Increasingly feeling tired and worn down, she was finding it harder and harder to summon the patience she needed while he came to terms with life as it was going to be for him from now on... He seemed to treat her as another enemy, rather than as his wife".

Then another man begins to show interest in her and makes her feel special. And just like a moth drawn to the flame, she cannot resist his attentions. Her new love interest is "taking advantage of her, exploiting the problems in her marriage to a man she had loved and looked after".

Alice realises that she still loves her husband, and he just needs time to work through his anger, grief and self-blame, and they might be happy together.

Will there be a happy end for Alice and Thomas? Or has she lost her chance to save their marriage?

I cannot say that I warmed up to the main protagonist. What she did is the ultimate betrayal, despite all the provocation and misery in her marriage. There are limits even to the adultery. 

You know there are stories which you get so involved in, you want to stop the characters from doing something stupid. That's how I felt about Alice's affair, I wanted to shout at her, "No, don't, just don't do it! It will never end well." 

One of the major themes running through the novel is the mental health, coping with disability and the toll it takes on the whole family. This has been written in a sensitive, authentic manner.

The author blends meticulous research of the historic period between the wars with a wealth of detail. The story is compelling - a dark mirror held up to our grief and how we cope with it.

The Flame Within is perfect for readers of The Thorn Birds and the Cazalet Chronicles, and the novels of Fiona Valpy and Santa Montefiore.

 

Purchase Links

UK – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Flame-Within-gripping-between-Linford-ebook/dp/B08GQB97NF  

US - https://www.amazon.com/Flame-Within-gripping-between-Linford-ebook/dp/B08GQB97NF

Author Bio:

Liz’s first six novels were published by Choc Lit. The Road Back was the US Coffee Time and Romance Book of the Year, A Bargain Struck was RoNA-shortlisted for Best Historical Novel, and they and The Lost Girl, Evie Undercover, The Art of Deception and A Western Heart were shortlisted by the Festival of Romantic Fiction in their respective categories. Liz’s latest historical novel, The Dark Horizon, Book 1 of The Linford Series, which is set between the wars, was released in May 2020. She has also had short stories published in several anthologies and in magazines.

Liz is an active member of the Romantic Novelists’ Association, and also of the Historical Novel Society. She regularly gives talks and workshops at conferences, and is an approved speaker for organisations such as the WI and U3A. Her hobbies are theatre, reading, travel, cryptic crosswords. You can visit her website at www.lizharrisauthor.com

Social Media Links:

Website:          www.lizharrisauthor.com

Twitter:            @lizharrisauthor

Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/lizharrisauthor

 

Instagram:        @liz.harris.52206

  

          

Inside Voices by Sarah Davis (review + giveaway)

That night she dreamt of the scarred bear. Relief at seeing his large form filled her. He stood silent, his brawny frame still. Not a muscle twitched. He was a magnificent beast... Penny walked closer, knowing this was not a vision, and stood near him. He turned his large head toward her, his gaze piercing the depth of her soul. She felt lighter the longer she stared at him, like she could raise her arms and fly out across the ocean.

Inside Voices by Sarah Davis is an absorbing tale set in a harsh, unforgiving landscape.

This book is unlike anything I have read in the last few years. It's a beautiful story of the nature and wildlife of Alaska, of grief, forbearance and love.

Penny Osborn has a gift. Ever since she was a very young child, she could communicate with her twin sister Lucy telepathically. "In fact, she couldn't recall a time when her sister wasn't in her head".

Her gift could also be described as a curse, as she lives with premonitions where she sees the future events unfolding, without knowing where or when they might happen. In high school she watched the massacre unfold from behind the classroom. She has seen it on the night before it happened, as a vision, a premonition, which she could not prevent. On the same day her father is killed by the same suspects who shot the students and faculty at school.

Penny and her mother move to Alaska, where she starts studying at the University of Alaska-Anchorage. Leaning toward a career in arctic marine biology, Penny is invited to join in a research team on the project over the next two years, at the edge of the Arctic, to Utquiagvik. 

"The opportunity piqued Penny's interest in focusing her future career on the marine bears".

She quickly makes new friends, including her boss, research leader Dr Army Volkov and his nephew Noah, an army veteran who works on security.

Since moving to Alaska, glimpses of the scarred polar bear sneak into Penny's dreams. She has faced a lifetime of traumas, and the research project in the Arctic gives her a chance for a new beginning. She enjoys the running, dogs, martial arts and playing the guitar.

And then her life changes dramatically when she rescues a newborn polar bear cub, whose mother is killed by another bear. She risks everything to save its life.

Penny's dreams are getting darker and more sinister, with the elusive and scary Shadowed Man appearing next to the bear. Penny doesn't understand what these visions are showing her, they are confusing and frightening.

There is a rising number of murders in the community. Who will be the next victim of the serial killer? Will Penny be able to identify him through her visions and stop the murders?

Penny is a great character, she is intelligent, compassionate, with an intuitive understanding of animals.

Her bond with the bear she's bringing up is amazing. No wonder Noah calls her Momma Bear.

She is a caring soul, and she is fiercely protective of those she loves.

You will learn a lot about the wildlife in Alaska, and the chapters dedicated to helping the bear cub to survive are utterly fascinating (you will find out how to prepare the baby food for bears). Feeding him as a baby at short intervals is a full-time job, and Penny wouldn't have coped without the help of her mother, and Noah and later Army. 

Her relationship with Noah is developing slowly. They both have a big trauma in their life, and are not sure about each other's feelings and their own mental health to make progress.

Penny's PTSD has been caused by the tragic and distressing events in her life. She has trouble sleeping and has upsetting nightmares and flashbacks as well as panic attacks.

"Not a day passed when Penny didn't think about that day. It was always in the back of her mind along with the guilt and sorrow and shame".

The inner workings of brain are an unchartered territory. Penny is worried that she is losing her mind, and is reluctant to share her visions, but Noah and Army are understanding.

Shamanism and spirit animals are part of their culture, and they look upon Penny's visions as a gift. Noah tells her, "Have you considered the possibility of a spirit animal? In my people, there are shaman, or angakkuq. People who are psychic... Don't ever think I would laugh at such a thing..."

The story of Fjord reminded me of an old book I read many years ago, The Bears and I by R.F. Leslie, where a man looks after three orphaned bear cubs.

Wildlife rescue as a plotline weaves masterfully with the romance and murder mystery. The supernatural elements add a unique angle to the story.

Inside Voices draws on a strong sense of place. It's original, suspenseful and will have you utterly hooked. 

Potential triggers: mass shooting, death, mental health issues and bereavement, animal attacks.

This book review is part of the blog tour.

Many thanks to Sarah Davis and Rachel's Random Resources for my c-copy of the book!

Purchase Link - http://mybook.to/insidevoices

Author Bio –

Sarah Davis is many things...wife, mother, veterinarian, writer. An avid reader, she enjoys stories that transport her into new and exciting lands. Having read more books than she could ever count, she has considered writing a novel for ages. It wasn't until the idea for "Inside Voices" popped into her mind that she finally started pursuing that dream, with much encouragement from her family. She and her incredible husband share their remote home on the prairie with their three extraordinary children and one mostly human weimaraner.

Social Media Links –

Blog: www.sarahdavisauthor.com   

Facebook Author page: https://www.facebook.com/sarahdavisdvm/  

Facebook Personal page: https://www.facebook.com/sarahshoarse  

Twitter: @SarahDavisAuth1  

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pennyosborn10/  

https://www.instagram.com/sarahdavisdvm/ 

Giveaway to Win a $15 Amazon Giftcard (Open INT)

*Terms and Conditions –Worldwide entries welcome.  

Please enter using the Rafflecopter box below.  

The winner will be selected at random via Rafflecopter from all valid entries and will be notified by Twitter and/or email. 

If no response is received within 7 days then Rachel’s Random Resources reserves the right to select an alternative winner. 

Open to all entrants aged 18 or over.  

Any personal data given as part of the competition entry is used for this purpose only and will not be shared with third parties, with the exception of the winners’ information. 

This will passed to the giveaway organiser and used only for fulfilment of the prize, after which time Rachel’s Random Resources will delete the data.  

I am not responsible for despatch or delivery of the prize.

Please not that Chez Maximka blog is only hosting a giveaway Rafflecopter as part of the promotion. I am not involved in the selection of the winner or dispatch of the prize.

 a Rafflecopter giveaway

Lady in Red by Tessa Buckley

Donna caught my eye. I knew what she was thinking. Looking for missing things and missing people is what Eye Spy Investigators is all about.

Lady in Red by Tessa Buckley is a MG mystery/detective story.

This is the 3rd book in the Eye Spy series, but it reads perfectly as a standalone. 

Siblings Alex and Donna Macintyre are a team behind the Eye Spy Investigations agency.

Alex is scared of snakes, and is not enthusiastic about his sister striking friendship with Jake, an Australian boy, whose pet corn snake called Queenie makes him uncomfortable.

Jake is staying with the O'Connors at Acacia Villa. The villa is divided into two houses. No.1, where Jake lives, looks well cared for. The second half of the house which looks dilapidated and derelict was once the home of the local artist Gabriel Pascoe. 

The current Mr Pascoe, the artist's grandson, tells the children the story of the missing painting, Lady in Red. It was the portrait of Garbriel's wife Maude, wearing a red dress. Nobody knows what's happened to the artwork. When the war started, the artist has hidden it to keep safe, without telling anyone where exactly to look for it.

Alex and Donna offer their help to find out what has happened to the missing portrait. 

The twins parents' are divorced. Their mother has left them to find happiness with a successful businessman. Now she's got a new baby, her children from the first marriage don't appear to be much of interest to her.

Alex is quite philosophical about it, "Our mother had thought being a businesswoman was more important than looking after us. That was why we lived with Nan and Dad".

Their father is an absent-minded inventor who is preoccupied with the launch of his latest invention. The twins seem to be pretty much unsupervised, going to meet the kids they've just met in a strange house. The grandma makes a half-baked attempt to tell them off for gallivanting around the town, but most of the time they are free to pursue their detecting.

They want to explore the boarded part of Acacia Villa and do a proper search of the premises. It has been bought by a property developer who plans to pull down the whole house and build a block of flats.

Elderly Mr Pascoe doesn't want to sell his house. 

Little does he know, that the unscrupulous developer would stop at nothing to obtain the property. Bad things begin to happen, a sudden flood occurs, then the power is cut off by "accident". And Mr Pascoe has a heart attack after being harassed by the developer. It looks like the old house will have to be sold after all.

If the house is demolished, the vital clues will be destroyed, and the fate of Lady in Red will remain a mystery forever.

It is a race against time for Alex and Donna to solve the case. The adults are not helping, if anything, the grandmother forbids them to do any sleuthing. And Mr Mortimer, the nasty developer, happens to be a god-father for their half-sister Sophie. Querying his motives and honesty could open up a can of worms and bring a family rift. Their mother and her new husband are aghast that the twins accuse their friend of being a crook.

They are grounded for the foreseeable future as a punishment.

Then Queenie goes missing, and that sets in motion a disastrous train of events and leads the twins and their new friends into the most perilous situation. 

This fast-paced mystery will appeal to the fans of Enid Blyton, M.G.Leonard and Sam Sedgman. I enjoyed reading this book, and hope my son will read it soon as well. 

It's an exciting cosy crime for middle graders, and also a story of friendship, loyalty and family drama. I can't wait to find out what Alex and Donna will get up to in the next adventure.

Many thanks to Tessa Buckley, Matador and Rachel's Random Resources for my copy of the book!

Purchase Links

Lady in Red         Amazon.co.uk  paperback

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lady-Red-Tessa-Buckley/dp/1838591699/

Lady in Red         Amazon.co.uk  ebook

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lady-Red-Eye-Spy-3-ebook/dp/B081B54DPD

Lady in Red         Amazon.com ebook

https://www.amazon.com/Lady-Red-Tessa-Buckley/dp/1838591699/

Lady in Red         Ibooks

https://books.apple.com/gb/book/lady-in-red/id1487451631?mt=11&app=itunes

Lady in Red         Matador bookstore

https://www.troubador.co.uk/bookshop/young-adult/lady-in-red/

Author Bio –

Tessa Buckley was an inveterate scribbler as a child, and spent much of her time writing and illustrating stories. After studying Interior Design, she spent fifteen years working for architects and designers. She took up writing again after her young daughter complained that she couldn’t find enough adventure stories to read. This led, in 2016, to the publication of  Eye Spy, the first in a series for 9-12 year olds about two teen detectives. There are now two more books in the series: Haunted, which was a finalist in the Wishing Shelf Book Awards 2017,, and Lady in Red. She lives by the sea in Essex and recently completed an Open University arts degree.

Social Media Links – 

Website:             https://tessabuckleyauthor.com

Facebook:           https://www.facebook.com/Tessa-Buckley-Author-

Unbound Ties by Liz Mistry #BlogTour (review and book extract)

I don't want to draw her. Don't want to see her like that. I press my hands to my temples and try to squeeze the memory away, but it won't go. It won't go - not till I've finished drawing.

Unbound Ties by Liz Mistry is book no.7 in the DI Gus McGuire series. Dark and full of suspense, this fast-paced thriller will keep you up all night.

It reads as a standalone, but I did feel that reading some of the previous books in the series would help to understand the characters' background and development.

Earlier this year I reviewed Broken Silence, which is a book in another crime series by Liz Mistry. It was a tense, gripping thriller, and now that I've discovered her novels, I would love to catch up with the previous books.

This was also the first book that I've read which is set in the times of Covid, with references to the adherence to Covid 19 rules, with masks and sanitised hands.

The story starts with a haunting scene of a child discovering the body of his mother who has committed suicide. The child has special needs (autism?), and exceptional artistic skills. Rather than scream and run away in distress, he quietly sits on the floor and begins drawing his dead mother, observing all the minor details of the suicide scene.

The story moves to the present, when DI Gus McGuire is called out to the ghastly scene of murder. The victim is a pregnant woman, and the crime scene is carefully staged by the killer, as if to taunt the investigation team. There is a series of clues arranged beneath the victim's feet. Gus soon becomes aware that these clues are irrevocably connected to his mother's past.

When another murder happens, with the similar layout of mocking clues, the team realises they are dealing with a serial killer.

Corinne, Gus's mother, receives anonymous letters with sketches, which she keeps secret from her son because she knows how he is going to react. These sketches, sent in order to terrorise her, are similar to the ones which have turned up at the gruesome crime scenes.

Corinne grew up in foster care. Her childhood was so traumatic, she has suppressed her memories and hardly remembers anything from her past. She has become "a happy, successful woman with her own beautiful family. That dark part of her life, she kept locked up in a dark closet at the back of her mind and, the truth was, she didn't want to ever have to open it up".

Now she must face her past to help solve the current murders.

Being a child psychologist, she is aware of the risks and benefits of releasing memories through hypnosis. "In agreeing to open up her past like a tin of beans to be picked out and examined one at a time, she could drown herself in years of therapy. Now that the lightning had struck leaving her exposed, Corinne was aware of those suppressed memories festering inside her head."

Her past is truly disturbing and tragic. Her mother was a prostitute, a drug addict and alcoholic who hated her daughter and abused her. 

The pages of Corinne's childhood are distressing to read. It's not just her abominable mother, it's also the wider circle who show great prejudice and open hostility towards the mixed race child. Even the "well-meaning" teacher's attitude is highly offensive, when she makes a whole class touch Corinne's hands and hair. "She'd been born in a time when racism was casually delivered".

The thriller is weaving two main plotlines, that of the serial killer and his repulsive revenge, and of Corinne's past, her suppressed memories and the weight of guilt which lay heavily on her shoulders.

The killer is the despicable voyeur who takes pleasure in watching the suffering of his victims and also observing the work of the investigation team. He easily hacks the database to find and study his next victims.

"Yes, he wants revenge, for the opportunities that had been denied him, but with every new death, his enjoyment grows - he won't stop, not unless he's caught. But he won't be.

His main aim is the enjoyment of causing as much suffering to as many people as remotely possible.

True, hurting Corrine McGuire is personal - the life she had mapped out for herself should have been his."

Since Gus's mother is involved in the case, he cannot lead the team, and it's his colleague and house mate Alice Cooper who takes over the case.

"Maybe she'd be able to pull this off - after all, she was Alice Cooper - humorous, dedicated, a team player, and ferocious - she knew how to work her colleagues - how to play to their strengths."

Gus's personal life is very complicated. 

Disturbed by his mother's secrets, he is unsettled and upset. Working on another murder in town, Gus slowly comes to a realisation that the killer is dangerously close. He's determined to disentangle the threads of the past secrets and lies and catch the sadistic killer before he loses someone very close to him.

A must read for fans of crime fiction, Unbound Ties is deeply affecting and entirely compulsive.

Purchase Link - mybook.to/UnboundTies

Author Bio – Born in Scotland, Made in Bradford sums up Liz Mistry’s life. Over thirty years ago she moved from a small village in West Lothian to Yorkshire to get her teaching degree. Once here, Liz fell in love with three things; curries, the rich cultural diversity of the city … and her Indian husband (not necessarily in this order). Now thirty years, three children, two cats (Winky and Scumpy) and a huge extended family later, Liz uses her experiences of living and working in the inner city to flavour her writing. Her gritty crime fiction police procedural novels set in Bradford embrace the city she describes as ‘Warm, Rich and Fearless’ whilst exploring the darkness that lurks beneath.

Struggling with severe clinical depression and anxiety for a large number of years, Liz often includes mental health themes in her writing. She credits the MA in Creative Writing she took at Leeds Trinity University with helping her find a way of using her writing to navigate her ongoing mental health struggles. Being a debut novelist in her fifties was something Liz had only dreamed of and she counts herself lucky, whilst pinching herself regularly to make sure it’s all real. One of the nicest things about being a published author is chatting with and responding to readers’ feedback and Liz regularly does events at local libraries, universities, literature festivals and open mics. She also teaches creative writing too. Now, having nearly completed a PhD in Creative Writing focussing on ‘the absence of the teen voice in adult crime fiction’ and ‘why expansive narratives matter’, Liz is chock full of ideas to continue writing.

In her spare time, Liz loves pub quizzes (although she admits to being rubbish at them), dancing (she does a mean jig to Proud Mary – her opinion, not ratified by her family), visiting the varied Yorkshire landscape, with Robin Hoods Bay being one of her favourite coastal destinations, listening to music, reading and blogging about all things crime fiction on her blog, The Crime Warp.  

 

Social Media Links – 

FB https://www.facebook.com/LizMistrybooks/

Twitter @LizMistryAuthor

Website: https://www.lizmistry.com/

I'm pleased to be able to share an extract from Unbound Ties, as kindly provided by the author.

Bellbrax Psychiatric Facility, Scotland 

She’s watching me; the girl with the dark hair and brown eyes. I don’t like it. It’s putting me off my stride. I want to draw her, but then I’d have to look at her and, if I do that, she’ll ask me again. I don’t want to answer. I just want to draw. Want to be left alone. Why is she still here, looking at me? Her eyes see right into my heart and it’s not nice. She’s poking about in there. Making it go all fast and bumpy; thurrump, thurrump, thurrumpity, thrump. I feel all sick. Wish she’d go … wish she’d just leave me alone. I like being alone.

            I glance at her – just a quick one – but she notices and smiles. Her teeth are straight and very white, her eyes crinkle up when she smiles, but I still don’t like it. She could be a bad person – she probably is. Most girls are bad. Except maybe Coco. Yes, Coco wasn’t bad. I liked her. 

Now they’re in my head again. They start off quiet, then they get louder till they’re shouting at me. 

‘Don’t trust her!’

I must have said it out loud because she frowns and leans closer to me. ‘Did you say something? You know you can speak to me. I’m your friend.’

‘Don’t trust her.’ This time I don’t say it out loud. But it’s still banging inside … on my brain. It’s banging on my brain.

I can smell her perfume. Not lavender, something else, but it’s nice, I suppose. I shake my head and try to draw. If I ignore her, she’ll go. Yes, that’s what to do, I’ll ignore her. But she doesn’t go. She stays there looking at me, staring at me, making me feel sick. This isn’t good. 

The girl’s asking me a question again. I don’t like it. ‘Can you remember what happened to your wife, Rory? Helen, can you tell me about her?’

Stop it, stop it. I want to yell them words at her, but she might get cross and I don’t like it when people get cross. I bend my head lower so she can’t see my face. I remember Helen. I’ll never forget her. Why would I? She was my world and she was going to have my baby. I turn to a blank page and I can’t stop myself. I choose charcoal because I can smudge it. I don’t want to draw her. Don’t want to see her like that. I press my hands to my temples and try to squeeze the memory away, but it won’t go. It won’t go – not till I’ve finished the drawing. 

My beautiful Helen, hanging from the ceiling, smelling of lavender, my baby a puddle on the floor beneath her. The charcoal flies across the page and there she is – Helen. We had everything and now nothing. I smudge out her private parts, her eyes, her tortured face. My Helen, how did this happen to you too? First my mother and then you. At least now I’m in here it won’t happen again.

‘Oh yes it will. You know it will. Of course it will. You can’t stop it!’ 

Stop it, stop it, stop it! I want to scream, but my throat’s all dry and the words won’t come out. Helen … Mum.

‘She’s trying to trick you. She’ll get you in trouble. You can’t trust her.’

That’s not the lavender voice – it’s the monster one. It scares me. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to hide, but no matter where I go, it comes after me and I hate it. The lavender voice doesn’t come very often now. Maybe if I draw Helen or my mum, it will come back. Tell me it’s all right. I wish it would.

‘She’s trying to trick you. She’ll get you in trouble. You can’t trust her.’

The thurrumps are getting faster and the maggots are back in my tummy, like squidgy little creatures eating me up from the inside out. My hand’s all sweaty and it slips, and a big dark pencil mark appears right over my drawing. Right over my mum’s foot. This is bad. Very bad now. I can’t have that. Can’t have a pencil mark on her foot, that shouldn’t be there. No, it shouldn’t, not there. So bad … thurrump, thurrump, thurrump. The maggots wriggle and the colours flash. ‘Ouch’ 

‘You didn’t stop it then. You can’t stop it now. Who will be next?’

‘NO!’ I roar the word and the girl flinches, but still the voices come. 

 ‘Don’t trust anyone!’

I want to scream it – let it out because keeping the words inside is hurting me. Thurrump, thurrump, thurrump, bang, bang, bang. I need to get this right. Need to make it right. I reach over for my eraser. Not to call it a rubber – don’t know why. It’s an eraser now. That’s what I call it. I don’t call it a rubber. Thurrump, thurrump, thurrump. Can’t breathe, can’t see. 

‘Don’t trust her. Don’t trust anyone! Don’t trust yourself.’

 

 ‘You didn’t stop it then. You can’t stop it now. Who will be next?’

I fall to the ground and curl up, my hands over my head, my knees digging into my chest as the thurrump, thurrump, thurrump gets faster and the maggots wriggle and the colours explode from the top of my head and I remember…

‘Don’t trust her. Don’t trust anyone! Don’t trust yourself.’

When I wake up, I’m in bed. In my pyjamas, the nice ones that smell clean,

like being outside. She’s gone – the woman with the dark eyes. I look round my room to make sure. Then I lean over and peer under the bed, but she’s not there. She wouldn’t like it under there, I can tell. No, she wouldn’t hide under the bed, not in her nice clothes. Listening for a second to see if anyone’s in the corridor, I wait. No one’s out there, so I get up and pad across to the wardrobe. My heart’s thurrumping again – just a little bit. Not like before. Holding my breath, I yank it open, but the girl with the dark hair and brown eyes isn’t there either. Only place she could be now is the bathroom. I open the door and peer inside – it’s empty. Satisfied, I head back to bed, pull the over-bed table towards me and begin to draw the girl with the dark hair and brown eyes from memory. Nobody can see what I’m doing, so nobody can tell the voices to come. 

 This book review and book extract post is part of the blog tour.

Many thanks to Liz Mistry and Rachel's Random Resources for my e-copy of the book!

Photo diary: week 43, project 366

It was quite a productive week, we had a big meeting at Sasha's school, and also submitted the application for secondary school for Eddie.

We're only two years behind with Pokémon Go, but last week Eddie asked me if I would download the app to my iPhone for him to play. If anyone is late to the party, like we are, and would like to become friends on Pokémon Go, please let us know. 

Here is Eddie, with his buddy in the café.

On Tuesday we had an Annual Review meeting to discuss Sasha's future. It was a beautiful autumnal morning, when we travelled to Oxford. This church is on the way to the school.

The meeting went well. I'm in awe of the school staff. It's heart-warming to know that there are other people in Sasha's life who are fond of him and care about his future. We were very lucky with his previous school which he attended until 16, and we are very lucky with the current school. I just hope that Sasha will find a transition to college not too upsetting in the next year.

The school are also helping us with sorting out the respite. Up until he turned 18, Sasha was staying overnight at the respite place in Banbury twice a month, but since early March, nothing has been done because of Covid. He enjoyed going to the respite, as they spoilt him rotten there, cooking his favourite meals and taking him out for walks in the late afternoon. We used this opportunity to recharge the batteries and have a good night's sleep too. 

I have entered the Bonne Maman/Waitrose competition on the last day of promotion back in September, submitting the code from the receipt online, and a few days later was delighted to get an email that I've won a Bonne Maman hamper. It has finally arrived, and I love the woven basket. It would do nicely for all my recipe clippings and book reviews. The madeleines and little tarts are delicious too.

I was chatting to a Twitter friend who lives in the States. She wanted to see some of my Mum's artwork, so I posted two portraits that my Mum painted of my sons. This is Eddie, as he was five years old, by the sea in Cornwall. She captured him perfectly. I love this work. The technique is hot enamel. It is similar to porcelain paints, and the artwork is fired in the kiln up to 800C many times, with the paints layered over and over. The surface is quite textured, and there are fine crackles over it, which are not seen in the photo.

Not a photo but a screenshot of one of Memories on Facebook, which made me smile. I don't remember this conversation, but my son still doesn't rate my singing highly.

On Friday my child ran out of his class, clutching a trophy to his heart. He's been selected a Pupil of the week. One very proud Mum here. He totally deserves it. We walked home, and showed the trophy to our acquaintances on the way. 

I have been playing around with props, trying to do a photo for the forthcoming book review of Inside Voices. It is a YA fiction, set in Alaska. It's an unusual story of a young girl who brings up an orphaned polar bear. She witnessed a mass shooting at high school a few years previously, and has a PSTD. It's a beautiful poignant story, and if you want to read my full review, drop by on the 29th.

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